the warrior diaries, entry 3

4/27/08@2:07 a.m.

"never" is a promise of a long time.

"never" = "to not start"
"never" = "to not end"

i did not like the way he asked me things, how his words stayed all bunched up in his mouth, his meanings crowded with congestion, his elocution full of spit and snot.
he asked me questions in coughs of contagion and i did not want to know the source of his infection.

"when are we going horseback riding?" he asked and wiped the saliva away with an old, mean looking handkerchief reeking of other questions asked other small girls.
"Never." i said and ran, hell bent for leather, away from the gargled voice and its viscous innuendo. I took my promise of a very long time with me.

"Never" = "to not start."

when she found me it had been raining. i'd been gone for two days and my underwear was soaked through, my skin water-logged and bloated. i looked like i'd drowned on solid ground.

i was shivering from my time spent in the rain and among the blackberry bushes. my body was thick with their tiny brown thorns, and blue from their juice, and the bruises of my long days gone.

i stood up from my hiding place under a bush, looking like a trailer-trash doll baby, left behind by accident to be tended and re-dressed by the elements.

i went to her, aching from the cold and the way i have of holding my breath when i am afraid.

she put her arms around me.
"you found me." i said.

"yes." she answered.

"when are you going to stop holding me?" i asked.

"Never." she said, a promise of a very long time.

i stopped shaking, unclenched my body. i wrote it down so i would not forget the simple equation:

"Never" = "to not end."